WHAT MAKES US HUMAN?

This poem I had dedicated to my son born in Australia when he started to question: himself, people around him, place where he lives and his family. Before he was born he survived a car crash and battled series of illnesses and operations throughout his childhood. This poem was written when he once again missed his school, because he was just to sick to go...

WHAT MAKES US HUMAN ?

Our seaside port
Monday June 9, 2008
/ Destructive winds of up to 180 kmh cut a 30m-wide swath through port
after the tornado hit the coast at Shoalwater Bay about 7.40 am
Bureau of Meteorology WA/

One Winter Monday morning
when sky was no more blue,
lightening fleshed and thunder roared,
a tornado
hit our neighborhood

We rest, me and my son
in our cozy room,
oblivious
to weather outside
he moaned with pain
I fought the Flu

Remus picked my ‘Cosmos’ journal
with nothing else
to do
he looked at the picture
of a chimpanzee
and read the words:
‘ WHAT MAKES US HUMAN?’
“ What does, Mum?”
“I don’t have a clue.”

‘ WHAT MAKES US HUMAN?’
I watched his eager gaze.
“Let me think,
our curiosity,
our feelings,
our desire
to learn?”

“ I don’t think so, Mum,”
he shook his head
in a protest
like twelve years old do:
“ Our dog is clever,
he even knows when I’m sad
and that is true.”

“ We BELIEVE in something,
that animals can’t do,
we want to know,
where do we come from,
who we are,
who is our family,
and our places,
we belong to.

Together,
we manage to survive,
together,
we fight the challenges
together,
we find new ways
to get us through.


“ But, I don’t know anything
about my family.”
He shrugged and threw
the ‘Cosmos’ away.
“ I don’t even know anything about YOU.”

“ Then close your eyes and IMAGINE,
that’s another thing just humans can do,
I take you to places,
where I once belonged.
Maybe once,
you visit them too.”

“ That’s awesome, I like traveling,
I will go for sure,
tell me about them,
so I will know them all,
just like you.”

“ That is something YOU can’t do,
look at this storm…”

“ Storms are cool.”

“ Maybe for you,
what about a few streets down?’

“ You mean like those roofs
and fences flew? And what about those peple? I bet they can be hurt too?

” You see, you can feel the pain of others,That's the other thing animals can't do."
"THAT IS WHAT MAKES US HUMAN:

TO EXPLORE
TO DISCOVER
TO UNDERSTAND
TO SEE THE WORLD
FROM DIFFERENT POINTS OF VIEW.




The following week when my son finally recovered and started his new school and his behaviour changed. He was anxious how students would react to his unusual name and pale look. He was too weak to excell in sport. Usually talkative and of bubbling personality he started to withdraw and spend more time alone in his room. His frequent outburst of anger surprised me. He lost interest in learning and his old friends. His new teachers s felt confused about his behaviour and started to associate his recent troubles with psychological problems. I explained his recent troublesome medical experiences and asked to give him more time to fit in.

The following weekend I took him to the Stiriling Range, our closest mountains. We invited our family and friends to join us and we TALKED...

I explained to my son that it was me, who is responsible for his ongoing health problem, as I was driving my car in the seventh month of him expecting to be born, too fast. I was rushing to finish my studies, I wanted to have everything at home ready before he is born, I HAD NO TIME...and I nearly lost him.
I said, I am sorry and he just nodded. I promised to always find time for him and listen to him.

He said he wants to be treated at school like everyone else. Maybe his health is going to worsen but he wants to try ...
All he nees is to heal and get over his normal anxieties and insecurities. It was just one of his many life experiences and he can deal with it.

 I explained that I was just scarred more than him and I hoped that his health starts to  improve.


We sat on the top of the sunny hill and bellow us threatening clouds rolled and covered a nearby town.
" I know now how the people down there feel like," my son looked up at me and we smiled at each other.
We knew. We managed to see each other's point of view.

MY Perception of people

Our children do not need psychological labels and medication, our children need love and trust

I was a child once, a confused and insecured one, diagnosed as depressed and traumatised. People felt sorry for me and i felt worthless. I was naughty child as well, people felt angry with me and I felt unloved.

I was a teenager once, giving my teachers a hard time and arguing with my aging Grandmother, my sole carer and was diagnosed as suffering from something likeappositional defiant disorder. They persuaded me that going to secondary school is a traumatic experience for me. For the emotional upheavals I experienced from falling in love for the first time I was offered councelling and many forms of therapy. People expected me to fail at school, in relationships, at life in general and I felt suicidal.

I was an young adult once, again confused and insecured in my new role as a partner,parent and a teacher. I was diagnosed with something like bipolar disorder. I was advised how to manage mood swings and find balance. People undermined my ability to be stable partner, good parent or professional teacher. I felt disoriented but i wanted to prove them wrong and I SUCCEEDED.

I HAVE NOT BEEN BORN NOR I GREW UP IN AN ANGLO-AMERICAN SOCIETY IN THE PAST 40 YEARS. ALTHOUGH MY MOTHER WITH THE HELP OF MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS / FRIENDS OF MY STEPFATHER/ LIKED TO USE NEW PSYCHOLOGICAL DIAGNOSES FROM OVERSEAS, FORTUNATELLY FOR ME THERE WAS NO AVAILABILITY OF PSYCHOACTIVE MEDICATION. THERE WAS NO SPECIAL NEEDS EDUCATION. AT THE END OF YEAR ONE I WAS THREATEN TO BE MOVED TO MENTAL INSTITUTION AS I REFUSED TO COMMUNICATE AND MY MEMORY WAS LOST AFTER THE SHORT BOUND OF MENGITIS.UNFORTUNATELLY MY GRANDMOTHER'S PAIR OF HOME RAISED FRESHLY KILLED DUCKS, THE PRESENT FOR THE SCHOOL PRINCIPAL SAVED ME FROM THAT ORDEAL.When I came to Australia in my thirties I was thrilled that student with various learning and behvioural problems have more choice than a regular school or a mental institution

Working with strudents with learning difficulties for the past ten years I praise Education Support Centres for their crucial role they play in students' further development especially for students with various medical inborn impairments and sometimes medication is necessary. However I know now that they are not there to help children in my situation, who are just confused and powerless to deal with their unsafe home situation.

Diagnoses and medication will not help, they make students only more powerless.

MY GRANDMOTHER SAVED ME OTHER WAY AS WELL. AS A HOUSEWIFE AND KEEN GARDENER SHE SPENT EVERY FREE MINUTE ATTENDING TO HER VEGETABLE PATCH AND LISTENING TO ME. SHE SAID THAT WE HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD AND SHE IS NOT EDUCATED /FINISHED ONLY PRIMARY SCHOOL/, SHE IS NOT GOING TO GIVE ME ANY ANSWERS, THOSE I HAVE TO FIND FOR MYSELF, BUT SHE LISTENS TO ME. AND SHE DID.

I RECEIVED THE ORDINARY EDUCATION AND WAS TREATED LIKE EVERYONE ELSE AT SCHOOL. EVENTUALLY I MANAGED TO CATCH UP ONCE I REALIZED IT IS ALL UP TO ME.

After reaching maturity I realized that it is not normal to treat the routine troubles of childhood as a mental health issue. My divorced Mother who left me as a three months old in the care of my aging Grandmother felt relieved that I have 'some mental health problems' and she is not responsible for my behaviour. After my Grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer disease in my teenager's years my Mother / an alcoholic and selfpromoting sex addict/ introduced me to drinking, smoking and partying in her flat she shared with my stepfather. I understand now that I had a normal reaction to adverse and unsafe circumstances in my life at that time was assumed to have mental health problems.

Children possess a formidable capacity for resilience and usually managed to get through difficult childhood given the chance in life someone they can trust and time to find their path.

As a parent of three children in teenager's years and as an expereinced teacher of students with learning and behavioural difficulties I ask myself: 'IS A DIAGNOSIS AND PSYCHOACTIVE MEDICATION FOR DIFFICULT AND MISBEHAVING CHILDREN REALLY WHAT THEY NEED FROM US?'

I strongly believe we can give them much more...we need to connect with them and get their trust so they learnt to trust themselves...

Being connected means feeling safe, having deep trust and knowing you are loved.But what ifyou never have connections with your parents, teachers, kids and people around you...What if you are just learning how to connect, but you do not trust people around you and people do not trust you.How to change your perception of yourself, of people around you, how to change your perception of your surrounding so you can feel safe, trustful and loved again or feel loved for the first time in you life?

ONCE YOU START TO TRUST YOURSELF AND PEOPLE AROUND YOU, ONCE YOU START TO FEEL SAFE AND LOVED IN YOUR SURROUNDING; PEOPLE WILL START TO TRUST YOU AND ACCEPT YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE. YOU WILL BE FREE FROM MEDICATIONS AND LABELS. IT IS YOU WHO HAS THE FUTURE IN YOUR HANDS. IT IS TIME TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS AND BEHAVIOUR.

Special human beings

I regret all those times when I worried about my look, my weaknesses and flaws when I was
child. I learnt to accept all my flaws. Flaws and weaknesses, strengths and abilities that is me.
That what makes me special. When my children come to me wanting to correct their flaws, I
remind them: ' Don't change, be who you are. There is only one you.'

We need to teach children to embrace themselves as they are and to embrace other people as well.

Bitter and sweet, they are unique traits that make me, you, that make special human beings.